I think the most exciting thing in life post child is going to run errands all alone. This makes me sound lame and whatever, but I’m telling you, its totally true. There is a cartoon I’ve seen on a few different places that is really hysterical because it shows a mom running errands all alone and she’s all, “Oh look! I got groceries and then ran into the bank and got a cup of coffee and it’s all only taken me an hour! la la la” Then it shows her trying to do the same errands with her kid and the kid won’t get out of the carseat, and it takes forty minutes to strap the kid back in, and the kid is dropping all the groceries out of the cart etc. etc. The same errands take like 10 hours with children. I’m only exaggerating by like 5%!
Lately leaving the house with the Kid has become a marathon event!! I mostly just laugh at it because really, there’s not much else you can do! This evening I ran out to Target ALL ALONE and it was so amazing! I just put on my shoes, grabbed my bag and phone, got in the car and DROVE AWAY! Then I shopped and was back in an hour. Amazing!
When I leave the house with the little one, it goes like this:
Me: Are you ready to go the Storytime at the Library??
Her: Nods head yes (she’s not really a talker yet!)
Me: Okay, let’s get your shoes…where are your shoes??
Her: Points at where the shoes are. I go to get them. She runs away and laughs.
Me: Come on, let’s put on your shoes so we can go!
Her: walks one step towards me, turns around and decides to start examining her stuffed animals.
Me: Shoes! Look! Let’s put them on! (I shake them, kind of like a puppy might enjoy)
Her: Ooh! (Runs to me and finally sits for shoes!)
Me: I get one shoe on her and she tries to run away and yells at me like I’m stabbing her with hot coals even though SHE came over the shoes to begin with! I wrestle the other one on. She runs away and does some spins and laughs.
Me: Okay, where’s your coat! I get it and she runs to me again! Excellent! This will be so…
Her: Grabs the coat and includes it in her spins, cracking up.
Me: Sits down on the floor and takes a breather…this is going to take awhile!
Finally we are in coats and shoes. I assemble milk, water, snacks, diapers, etc. I run out and put these in the car first while she continues to play inside. I come back and we say Okay! We are leaving!! I pick her up, and lock the door. She wriggles away and runs to all her crap on the porch.
Her: shows me bubbles, points to her wagon, claps excitedly, jumps up and down, runs to the stairs, runs back to the wagon, points at the flowers, looks for her gardening gloves.
Me: yes all these are awesome! We can do them all later! Story Time starts in 10 minutes! Don’t you want to see your friends?
Her: Nods head yes! Comes towards me! Turns around and races back to the wagon and gestures that we should go gallivanting about town in it!
Me: Finally scoop her up, she cracks up about this. I plop her in the car and she proceeds to wriggle out of the straps of her carseat as soon as I get an arm in. Finally after about 5 minutes I trick her into submission. I hand her her water. She chucks it. I hand her her snack. She chucks that. I go to close the door, she cries because where are the water and snack?! I finally start the car and we are about to leave when I remember her milk is still on the porch. Crap!
And so on, and so forth. I like to leave a nice half hour cushion of leaving the house time before any important event. I’m always late anyway though! That kid likes to be fashionably late I guess!